What You Need Is A Man’s Voice

On International Women’s Day…

Last week I spoke to the Hadassah ladies about the gender gap in healthcare. The statistic that always gets the most “I didn’t know that!” is that heart disease is the number one killer of women in the US today.

But not in this savvy audience. Alas, I had little to teach them. But in looking back, why should I be surprised? Their business is raising money for one of the largest, most prestigious medical organizations in the world, Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, Israel. They are a group of take charge, let’s make it happen women.

But they had something to teach me. And I want to share their observations and strategies with you.

I had just finished telling them the story of the mother who brought her 22 month old son to see me because he woke 15-20 times every night since birth. The parents hadn’t slept, their work was suffering, and they were afraid they would hurt the baby. The mother was told that she needed to see a psychologist because it was her fault that the baby wasn’t sleeping. Although the baby’s problem was difficult to diagnose, once made, he slept. And the family (and their next child who had the same problem) no longer suffered.

One woman then raised her hand and said, “I need to tell you my story.” So we listened.

My baby never had problems sleeping through the night. But one day when he was about a year old, he woke up crying and had a runny nose, a fever, and a cough. He was having trouble breathing. I just knew there was something wrong. I called the doctor who told me not to worry all babies get up at night. I told him not my baby.

My baby got worse. I called again. Same answer. Finally, the third time I had my husband call. We were sent to the Children’s Hospital where the baby was admitted with a lung infection—RSV. I knew there was something wrong.

Another woman then chimed in and said, “Oh, I always have my husband call when I want to speak to the doctor. His office staff never lets me through, but when my husband says he wants to speak to him about his wife, well, it’s like magic.”

I wondered aloud not just if, but how I responded differently to the fathers and the mothers. I do know that when I am questioned by a man I make sure that I sound authoritative. I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s about asserting my own self confidence. Do I really hear the voice of a man differently than the voice of a woman? If so, I hope it doesn’t make me behave too differently.

So for all you women, if you are having trouble getting your voices heard, you can try to find a man to help. But better than that, you can learn the way men speak with authority, self-confidence and a no-nonsense sense of need when needed. And that “pearl” was more than adequate compensation from the committed ladies of Hadassah!